The next few weekends of rookie school and training were to take place for the dude. He would travel to the city for the weekend rather than stay during the week.
He did not at the time realize how challenging life would be to maintain his health along with a full time job. He thought, he would have had a place to park. He thought, he would have had a place to shower. He thought, he would have had access to a refrigerator. He thought, he might at times utilize a kitchen. He thought, he would have access to a toilet.
Unfortunately for the dude, when he left his grandparents' place the morning of the try-outs for possibly the best job in the world, they told him not to return. They said lifeguarding wasn’t a real job - despite them for years mentioning the local beaches were struggling to be fully staffed, attempts to goad our dude into a job.
At the try-outs our dude performed well enough for the oldest participant. He talked with the chief at the starting line of the swim event. The chief asked if the dude had anything under those shorts because the pockets will act as parachutes causing more drag than necessary.
Our dude admitted to wearing a swim brief that doesn’t fit well and his balls might fall out.
The chief said, “Well, nobody would want to see that, but it’s worth the risk to increase your swim speed.”
Emboldened, our dude dropped his shorts. In a bit of good fortune, a ladybug landed on our dude at the starting line of the all important five hundred meter (500 m) box swim. The ladybug reminded him of a past love. He thought how lucky he was to have such a visitor at such a place at such a time.
After the tryouts and welcome ceremony, our dude drove back to the town of his grandparents. He ate out at a local restaurant, waiting until dark. He drove to park at his grandparents figuring if he was not welcome, they would have locked the gate.
The next morning, his grandfather asked, “What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here.”
Our dude didn’t bother responding to a man mostly deaf. When the dude departed, he locked the gate behind him, vowing never to return.
Our dude returned to the city for some onboarding paperwork that morning. After the meeting, the chief requested a moment with the dude. He mentioned because of the dude’s failed attempt last year and successful attempt this year, he was inspired to send an email encouraging those who did not make the cut to keep working towards their goals.
This past summer, on June 1st, our dude accomplished a bucket list goal. He was desired by a beach patrol after their fitness assessment and interview.
The previous year, on June 3rd, though desired after the interview, our dude was not physically fit for the job. An opportunity to redeem his fitness assessment was presented the following day to those desired but still need to prove their fitness. The assessment is simply to swim five hundred meters (500 m) within ten minutes (10 min). He watched the other desirables fail their assessment. In his attempt, he quit after one hundred meters (100 m), exhausted and out of breath, incapable of maintaining a fifty meter per minute ( 50 m/min) pace.
Luckily for him, a proctor of the assessment was also a swim instructor. Beyond acknowledging the fact our dude had much to develop, he provided primer instruction. “Take a kickboard, hold it out, practice keeping your head in the water as you take strokes, work up from one stroke per breath.”
Our dude had a lot of progress to make if he were to ever become an ocean lifeguard. Initially, he was twenty percent (20%) of the way there. So, on June 6th, 2023 our dude began his self-imposed training. By early December, he was close to his goal. Being so close, he found a beach to provide a fitness assessment. His time was ten minutes forty-five seconds (10:45 min:sec), ninety-three percent (93%) of the way.
Then, in late January 2024, our dude successfully passed the fitness assessment! He swam the distance in nine minutes six seconds (09:06 min:sec) with a negative-split. The interview with the safest beaches in Florida was a disappointment compared to the one with America’s Greatest Family Resort so, desirability did not arise.
Summer would come again for New Jersey and our dude maintained his fitness throughout the winter and spring. Part of his draw to this particular beach in New Jersey was due to an offer his grandfather had long and often offered. “Room and some board for one-hundred dollars ($100) if you have a full-time job; if you do not have a full-time job, room and some board is one-thousand dollars ($1,000).”
Our dude’s foot was in the door for a full-time job. Training and rookie school would take place over the next few weekends.
From those who tried-out that day this June, our dude earned another moniker:
“Stache.”
Yung Versatile spits a good game.
We chill through open mics.
Steadily making a face, sound and vibe.
chillin’
We come for the venue.
We come for the people.
We come for each other.
chillin’
Life isn’t always easy.
Certainly true for our circumstances.
I return the friendship.
A patchwork of little scribbling permanently etched.
What perverts a mind to perceive their cover so minorly as a page?
. . .
Did anyone say, “Tattoo party.?”
He responded, “I like to wear short shorts.”
Still curious, she says, “I was just in Greece. Are you from Europe?”
“No, but the shorts are from France.”
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Knowing the truth and desiring less bizarre reactions from women, our dude began practicing positive, healthy, expansive perspectives and approaches that are light and friendly to the assumingly intimidated.
Figuring to connect on the level of the betty, our dude replied, “In the same way women are intimidated by attractive men, men are intimidated by attractive women.”
Early in the omer of the Vernal Equinox of 2024, our dude received a request by a man with a type of illness in a similar predicament as our dude. A request to ride-along with the ill-man from Doylestown, Pennsylvania to Twinsborough, Ohio for some type of specialist appointment. The ill-man desired to depart town around midnight the day of the appointment and; then depart Twinsborough after the appointment.
The dude accepted the ill-man’s request to be a companion for such a unique journey.
The appointment was scheduled for 10am Thursday 9 May 2024, Warday of Wiseweek of First-Summer 2024. In the days leading up to the eventual journey our dude suggested to the ill man that flying would make way more sense than his current desire to drive and return in the same day.
The ill-man also requested our dude to not mention the trip to some folks as he wouldn’t want to make anyone not invited for an epic journey jealous.
The dude abides.
Crazy nuts, the ill man and our dude are to undertake such a journey.
Separately, both men individually prepared Love-evening for their midnight departure. Our dude and the ill-man rendezvoused at the agreed lot, parking Wilma and Lexi, respectively. Readers of Vulnerable on the Vanguard are familiar with Wilma. Lexi is the ill-man’s vehicle of mass importance.
At the lot, the ill-man and our dude picked some of the ill-man’s compact discs of music to play for the road trip. They departed town and county while blasting a greatest hits album of Rammstein.
Our dude’s chords were struck by Carol King’s Tapestry album around 4 am that night somewhere in central-western Pennsylvania.
The hero’s arrived in Twinsborough just after sunrise. They first stopped at the local chain coffee company. Our dude napped uncomfortably in Lexi while the ill-man prepared himself for his eventual appointment.
Soon the men made their way to the local medical clinic. Our dude was exhausted, the ill-man jazzed. The ill-man checked-in at the computer kiosk. Our dude wisely looked over his companion’s shoulder as the ill-man typed his information; and, took a fresh mental note of his friend’s name and birthday.
The men then made their way up the elevator to the second floor for the ill-man’s appointment. There on the second floor the ill-man checked-in with the receptionist. He was then escorted back to the office, leaving our dude in the semi-busy waiting room.
Our dude needed a more comfortable nap if he were to do the drive back home. On the way, he noticed a type of furniture perfectly acceptable for a comfortable nap. The structure was three connected flat seats with no back. He laid down with his feet overhanging the edge and began to feel the comfort of a nap settle in the semi-busy waiting room. As he drifted off to sleep, he wondered how soon someone might bother him. When the feeling of sleep was about to set-in, he heard, “Excuse me sir, are you okay?”
Looking-up, our dude noticed a shaved face and shaved head of a man looking-down. He seemed to be a clinic employee in the midst of escorting a patient. He said, “You can’t sleep in the waiting room. Are you okay? Are you sick? Do you need a wheelchair? Do you need to go to the ER?”
The dude said he was fine and was taking a nap while waiting for his friend.
The shaved bald man said the dude couldn’t nap in the waiting room and asked again if the dude was okay, if he needed a wheelchair or needed to go to the ER.
Still laying down the dude again said he was fine and was taking a nap while waiting for his friend.
The shaved bald man again said the dude couldn’t nap in the waiting room and asked again if the dude was okay, if he needed a wheelchair or needed to go to the ER.
The dude again said he was fine and was taking a nap while waiting for his friend.
The shaved bald man said for the dude to sit-up or he would call security.
Reluctantly, the dude abides.
The shaved bald man asked if the dude could nap sitting-up, maybe in a chair.
The dude declined and simply wanted to nap laying-down where he was.
The shaved bald man said the dude couldn’t nap laying down as laying down was unhygienic. He then proceeded to sit next to the dude. Next to the dude, the shaved bald man made a bizarre pantomime of an exaggerated, unlikely behavior.
The dude affirmed the obvious. The shaved bald man entered the dude's personal space; and, in so doing was more unhygienic due to how close the shaved bald man was breathing in proximity to our dude.
The shaved bald man stood-up and threatened to call security if the dude did not agree to stay sitting-up.
Our dude said, “You know what? I am sick. And I will take that wheelchair down to the ER.”
To read the conclusion of Twinsborough, explore the dude's private blog.
Many stories and tales of experiences unique to our author have occured since the bit.
So why the long delay?
Life can sometimes interrupt otherwise positive, healthy, expansive routines. Specifically, life in a new relationship requires an adjustment to a steady state.
The new relationship can be any type of relationship. Though, often the biggest adjustments are from changes in family, marriage, love and work. Friendships for whatever reason don’t typically require a significant adjustment to routine. Likely because the nature of friendships are fit into respective routines rather than routines adjusted to fit the friendship.
Keep being and breathing love!
Upon entering the parking lot of the establishment, he noticed vehicles occupying each space. Slowly he drove in the gently lit lot being sure to not miss a potential spot. A vehicle’s headlights turned-on ahead of our author; and proceeded to exit. Feeling lucky, our author backed Wilma’s big sexy ass into the newly open space.
Upon exiting Wilma’s cab on the ground was a penny. Feeling more lucky our author continued on his journey to culture. The comedy club is above a restaurant, a hotel is attached to the restaurant/club. The author walked along the hotel, rounded the turn for the entrance of the restaurant/club, entered the foyer with advertisements for the club, passed the foyer to the host who directed the author behind the podium and to the stairs on the right. At the bottom of the stairs to the left was a red velvet curtain, behind the curtain was storage space.
At the top of the steps in the doorway to the right were two men, one tall and big, the other small and scrawny. The big guy asked if the author had a reservation. Of course our author didn’t make a reservation. The big guy said he has seating for the author for $30. Of course our author didn’t have $30.
Instead of admitting to not having the money, the author offered the penny he found.
The little guy laughed out loud.
Our author asked how he could get on stage.
The big guy said the author had to be funny.
Protesting, the author affirmed to the big guy that the little guy laughed out loud.
Now the small and scrawny guy spoke, “Making one guy laugh and a room full of strangers laugh are totally different.”
The author asked if the club had an amateur night.
The little guy affirmed the club has an open stage from time to time and to check the website for specifics.
The author explained and declared the site was a bit archaic and difficult to navigate.
The little guy laughed out loud.
The little guy asks some background of the author’s experience and what he does during the day. The author has some experience at open mics and is working on working during the day.
Interrupting these gentlemen and our author came two voluptuous ladies giddily bouncing and swaying up the steps. Our author stepped aside for the ladies to check-in their reservations.
After the ladies checked-in the big guy asks if the author has the $30.
Our author said, “No.”
The little guy laughed out loud again; recalled the author’s day job and concluded the author simply came to explore the culture.
Thanking the little guy, the author asked for his name.
“Andy.”
Epilogue
The author thought he remembered that name from the website. Exploring the website later the author discovered he will be away for the next open stage and Andy is the club owner.
